Choosing God.
So here goes the 1st full day of YSMP 2011. I was supposed to go, but I stayed back because I felt like I had to find God and make some sort of decision before letting myself get busy or forget what He had spoken to me at Youth Camp. I was under the impression that I had forsaken God and given up on faith long ago.
To be brutally honest, the last few weeks I’ve felt purposeless, unloved, insignificant, alone, and angry at the world and God. My perspective has been that nothing is true, and nothing is of any worth in my life or in this world. Initially, this outlook terrified me, because God was not excluded from my hate list.
Slowly but surely, though, He began to nudge His truths into my mind: I am not of this world. My perspective is ABSOLUTELY right! Everything in this world is meaningless, and when I focus on things of this world while casting God aside, I truly am purposeless, unloved, insignificant, and alone. I am so thankful for a brother in Christ that was able to encourage me at the YSMP pre-rally on Friday. He assured me that he too had been through this “I give up. I’m done with God.” phase, and his advice continues to resonate in my head - “Choose God first… over everything else. No matter what.”
After mulling over my friend’s words and sifting through “The Case for Faith” at Berean Christian Bookstore (I had a gift card I felt I just HAD to use today), I am comforted in knowing that “faith” is not destroyed by doubting God. ”Faith” is destroyed by the mental choice not to believe in Him. Though admittedly, I think along the road I did completely give up faith, I’m ready to have faith in my Father again.
So here’s my decision: I’m ready to willfully choose God first… over everything else. No matter what. Even if it doesn’t make any sense at the time. I have faith that God is the only good thing, and in choosing Him, I cannot go wrong.
With the gift card I just HAD to spend, I bought “Welcome to College” by Jonathan Morrow. I’m excited to delve in and hopefully gain some insight on how to keep growing in faith during college.
Lord, I ask Your forgiveness for all the times I ran away from You, and I thank You and praise You for always taking back Your children regardless of how badly we screw up. I want to fall madly, deeply, and passionately in love with You. I pray that You continue to mould my heart into whatever You will for it to be. God, take away any foothold Satan has over me, and replace his lies with Your truth. You are the only true thing I have to hold onto Lord; help me to always believe and remember that. I pray all of this in Your Son’s most precious and holy name. Amen.
