As I considered writing this post I realized that the reader might think my tumblr is turning into one giant eulogy or something. I hope that’s not the case, but it’s the only thing that’s had such an impact on me lately that I feel compelled write about it.
Well, my friend’s mom went missing a few days ago. Around 1 a.m. the next morning the cops called reporting that they found her body. I guess she just took off in her car with a gun… stopped somewhere… and put the barrel in her mouth.
She definitely had a lot on her plate: divorce, unemployment, kids leaving for college, eviction, potentially an eating disorder, and I’m sure much more that I’ll never know about. The thing is… I just cannot wrap my head around the idea that her life was so unbearable to the point where she would abandon her children.
Why would she leave them with nothing?
Didn’t she love them?
What made her think they could live easily without her?
How could she be so selfish?
I’ll be honest: I’m kind of disgusted with her. It’s tragic that she was suffering so much, but I still don’t understand how she could put her kids through what they’re dealing with now. Couldn’t she just be strong for them? They NEED her.
Today the question of “…where’s God in all this?” and “Why did God let this happen?” and “How’s God going to make this better?” came up. No one could come up with any good explanations. (“Everything happens for a reason” and “He has a bigger plan for them” don’t count. Those are weak in my book.)
In any case, please pray for my friends as they mourn their mother’s death. I really hope they still have the courage to go on in life and make something of themselves despite the now-missing encouragement from their mom. I don’t know how supportive their dad will be either. He wasn’t a big fan of his daughters’ mother.
Also if you can answer “where’s God’s hand now?”, “Why did God let her kill herself?”, or “How’s God going to fix this?”… or have any input at all, please clue me in. I can’t stop thinking about it (and haven’t slept in quite a while because of it); I want to understand.
—-Thank you for raising your girls so well. They’ll make you proud. Rest in peace.—-
