A Spill… Hopefully A Pour.
I just feel like spilling my guts out.
I was just on myspace… procrastinating on APUSH essays, and I stumbled onto someone’s page that I used to go to school with. He is 2 or 3 years older than me… but from the moment I met him there was just something about him to admire. (Not in an infatuation way…)
But in a way… that in church we’re told to aspire to be. As if someone meets you… and just FEELS something different about you. Because you have the love of God in your life…
That’s what i saw in this kid… But further than that… he is super talented musically, just pwns at all of it, he’s popular, he’s got all the girls wanting him, he’s smart, he’s always happy, he’s got this crazy faith in God, he’s tight with his sister and parents.
For me… he just seemed like everything I wanted to be… Amazing at music, Stellar student, top notch social status, desired, joyful, and in love with Jesus. Maybe most of all… I envy his family. I got to know them and they were just amazing and loving people. Me coming from a broken family… it just seemed so perfect to me. and it still does.
The main thing that hit me is that now he has a girlfriend who’s also extremely in love with God, and they’ve been friends since before I knew either of them, and he went on vacation up north with… his mom, his dad, himself, and his girlfriend. I guess I just desire that sort of… unity. I wish I could do that kind of thing with Jeffrey. Make happy go lucky family vacations and everything is peachy. But it’d be strongly disallowed. And just flat out complicated. I find my family to be kinda……….. ridiculous. It makes me kind of sad, and it makes me angry, maybe a little disgusted.
I see a recurring flaw though, UNITY. This has been a huge burden on my heart since youth camp… and something that has been stressed to me by my friends for so much longer. I pray that God could somehow take my sadness, resentment, anger, and desires, and channel them into accomplishing unity in the youth group… in my friendships… in my “enemyships”… and for the benefit of His Kingdom. I pray that everything I am I will pour into the plan God has for me.
