Love Matters Part 3
I realized my last post ended on rather a discouraging note, but that’s where I was in life. I just got back from NW’s winter camp, though, and I’m so thankful that God led me up to Prescott this weekend. Not only was I able to encourage the youth, lead worship, and reunite with my church family, but I was able to reconcile my main qualm with God: accepting His love.
The first thing Steve had us do in Session 1 was compile a list of answers to the question, “How do I see myself?”. My thematically prevailing answers were tainted, flawed, and unworthy. For months I’ve been struggling with not feeling worthy enough to serve God, be God’s, or receive God’s love, but in Session 2, this remarkably simplistic drawing helped me to finally understand the head knowledge that Jesus forgives our sins and makes us clean: a stick figure of Jesus holding stick-figure me and walking with me to influence me and change me into a more pure and holy person. (recreated in my notebook from a whiteboard drawing)
In the words of my paraphrased notes: “We’re still going to mess up. The difference is that we’re not alone in our screw ups. Jesus says. ‘I’m going to help you fix these sins and change you into something better… so that you become pure and holy.’ “
……..and I can’t let Jesus change me if I’m constantly running away from Him because I don’t feel worthy. It’s time to accept that God loves me and has declared me as his righteous child. It’s disrespectful and haughty of me to say that God is wrong about me - that I’m not clean enough. To say that is to say Jesus’ sacrifice was not enough - that the Lamb dying for me was useless. And let’s be real: that’s not true. Jesus’ death on the cross WAS, AND IS, AND ALWAYS WILL BE ENOUGH. That kind of love… I’m still praying I will be able to understand, but I think I’m ready to accept it and love Him back.
