carissa's.pond.ers: Archive

“In the beginning, You laid the foundations of the earth, and the heavens are the work of Your hands. They will parish, but You remain; they will all wear out like a garment. Like clothing You will change them, and they will be discarded. But You remain the same, and Your years will never end.” -Psalm 102:25-27 God, help me to prioritize You as if You are the only good and...

Jan 13th

Love Matters Part 3

I realized my last post ended on rather a discouraging note, but that’s where I was in life. I just got back from NW’s winter camp, though, and I’m so thankful that God led me up to Prescott this weekend. Not only was I able to encourage the youth, lead worship, and reunite with my church family, but I was able to reconcile my main qualm with God: accepting His love. The first...

Dec 31st

“People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God - having a form of godliness but denying its power” -2 Timothy 3:2-5 …I’ve...

Dec 11th

Dec 7th

The Road →

So many of my peers and I have been blessed with the opportunity to serve the Karen refugees from Burma who live at an apartment complex in Phoenix, and through my experiences with the refugees there, God has led me to cofound an organization at Yale to better serve Karen refugees’ needs (primarily for educational and employment assistance). Two other Yale students on board for this...

Dec 4th

College Matters.

Well, first post of college, here goes. It’s pretty long-winded, and honestly, more for me than you, so I’m sorry some parts are extremely tangential. If you get through it, hopefully it proves to be a pleasant experience though. :) Yale has been interesting. To abridge the only two journal entries I’ve made, I met an amazing guy named Jason who pushes me to spend more time in...

Oct 25th

1 note

The Storm Matters

Scene: It’s raining. And by raining, I mean the skies over Arizona are hurling one hydrogen and two oxygens toward the earth at a 200-degree angle, and the wind is blowing at approximately 85 mph (an illegal speed in an automobile, and quite possibly an exaggerated numerical value). Thunder more resonant than ASU’s Lupe Fiasco/Jason Derulo concert last night just made me cower into the fetal...

Aug 19th

Choosing God.

So here goes the 1st full day of YSMP 2011. I was supposed to go, but I stayed back because I felt like I had to find God and make some sort of decision before letting myself get busy or forget what He had spoken to me at Youth Camp. I was under the impression that I had forsaken God and given up on faith long ago. To be brutally honest, the last few weeks I’ve felt purposeless, unloved,...

Jul 11th

1 note

This week I asked a friend for prayer. I didn’t really approach him with a specific prayer request in mind, just a story about how I stepped out in faith, it didn’t work out, I hurt many and broke friendships, and I’ve never been able to completely trust God since then (and deep down, I was probably angry at God too). I expressed to my friend that I had absolutely no idea how...

May 28th

2 notes

“Who am I… That the eyes that see my sin would look on me with love and watch me rise again? Who am I… That the voice that calmed the sea would call out through the rain and calm the storm in me?” (Casting Crowns) I wish I understood this whole concept of a God loving me despite how much I wrong Him.

Feb 17th

Fellowship Matters

For the past two years I somewhat dreaded contact with kids under two years younger than me. I adjudged them dumb, immature, and usually gossiping attention whores. The upperclassmen and I collectively decided that when we were that age we were no where near as horrible. Despite how flawless and spiritually mature [we thought] we were, I can’t honestly say we’re so perfect now (or...

Jan 6th

As I considered writing this post I realized that the reader might think my tumblr is turning into one giant eulogy or something. I hope that’s not the case, but it’s the only thing that’s had such an impact on me lately that I feel compelled write about it. Well, my friend’s mom went missing a few days ago. Around 1 a.m. the next morning the cops called reporting that...

Dec 7th

1 note

Time Matters

I just realized that I have incredibly limited time with all the people in AZ that I love. I’m supposed to be writing an essay that was due today (so I stayed home to write it instead of going to school to turn it in), and as usual I have little to no work ethic. I ended up on Facebook looking at random peoples’ pictures. (What else is a girl to do with a Monday night?) I saw...

May 4th

Leadership Matters

I’m pretty sure I was deemed a “youth leader” somewhere along the road, and for a while I accepted and embraced the position. I led worship, I talked to newcomers, and I counseled numerous individuals when they sought spiritual guidance. Somewhere else along the road there were potholes and cattle crossings and even rabbits darting across the desolate two lane highways. The...

Mar 17th

What Matters?

I feel incredibly hopeless. She’s stressing out because of school. He’s drinking his pains away. She resents her parents telling her to live up to her brother. He started cutting his wrists again. She doesn’t think she has any reason to live. He’s still smoking. Everyone hurts. I want to provide a cure. But I don’t know how. Help.

Feb 22nd

“She just talks about the good times they’ve had and all the good times to...”

– I don’t see this entry turning into a real God enlightenment, but I need an outlet. What better method to use than to write? Yesterday my brother called with news of our Uncle Lico’s death. At the time I went unaffected and I remained as so until about ten minutes ago. My mom came...

Feb 6th

Now Matters

Various Goals Throughout Carissa’s Life: Age 2 - Be more like my brother. He’s 10. He’s amazing. Age 4 - Play school with the 7 year olds. They’re so much cooler. Age 6 - Advance to 4th grade math before the end of the year. I swear I’m smarter than you, Neighbor. Age 8 - Be like Melinda and Martin. Join 4-H. Raise pigs and get big bucks in return. Age 10 -...

Feb 2nd

Love Matters Part 2

If Jesus were to walk the earth today, I picture us hanging out in my living room playing Lego Star Wars. Around 11:30 pm, there’s a knock on the door and a sheriff comes to arrest me. I’m given the death sentence for being a conceited and cynical little girl and whatever else, but Jesus loves me enough to convince the sheriff to allow him to take my place. He climbs the Statue...

Jan 5th

Prayer Matters Part 2

I just got back from Northwest’s youth winter retreat. When asked how it was, I definitely had mixed feelings: the “it was freaking amazing” feeling or the “it kind of sucked. I’m really let down” feeling. The entire time I really wanted to have a close encounter with God where I would once again be broken and crying and in awe and reverence of Him. It never...

Dec 31st

Dec 16th

Love Matters

David: What are you up to?
Me: www.givesmehope.com
David: Fml is better.
Me: *shrugs* fml doesn't make me tear up because it's so moving like gmh does
David: (After reading some entries) Some of these are intense. I feel kinda bad for all of the insults I've made now... These are legit man! Why don't we do this!?
Me: We should!
David: The movie day. We watch to be educated. Then we love other people.
Me: Alright. It will be a pandemic of love day!
David: We really should, man.  I showed it to my mom. I think she'll probably show it to my dad. Pass the love around!

Dec 11th

“One night, my dad told my family we should all pray for my cousin who is serving...”

– I jumped on the bandwagon. These little anecdotes make me smile, tear up, and want to be less bitter and more loving.

Dec 11th

Colten: Be careful when changing people's lives, because it affects them.

Dec 8th

Learning Matters Part 2

Today one of my teachers had himself a bit of a soliloquy. He spoke not of Manifest Destiny or getting into college, but of codependency. I’m not sure why he chose codependency to preach to us about, but this man is weird overall; he is a steadfast follower of Christ and he often impresses his faith upon the class. [And I admire his courage deeply.] Essentially, all my instructor had to...

Dec 8th

Dec 4th

“I just read this on Jon Yee’s page. Afterwards, I thought to myself,...”

– I’ve always loved praying in difficult places. I guess I really bought into the romantic idea of pressing in hard and asking God for the impossible. I remember reading Michael Brown’s “Revolution: A Call To Holy War” when I was in high school. That book is off the chain. It’s chalked full of...

Dec 2nd

“Perhaps we’ve spent too much time trying to prove God’s existence, and not...”

Dec 2nd

Outreach Matters

I've been hanging out with Alan every day since the second semester of freshman year.  I'm so adamant about taking God to others... [seemingly] as long as they're miles away from me more often than not.  Today the following took place 5th hour: 
Alan: Uh... This website says that Jimi Hendrix was the king of the world. What? 
Carissa: Yeah... that's pretty ridiculous.
Alan: Well, the website said it.  Carissa.... it must be true!
Carissa: Yeah right! Jesus is the King of the World!
Alan: Oh, pff. I don't believe in that stuff, remember?
 But what about Alan? Don't the people we encounter every day matter too?

Dec 2nd

Learning Matters

I had this guy at my side from 8th grade until about three months ago… (that’s the last 3 years of my life) and I’m still figuring out how to function without him. It’s often more discouraging than anything else, but throughout, I’m learning some life lessons from my Father. Allow me to enumerate. 1.) Love Jesus above all ersatz. Not because He is selfish and...

Dec 1st

Life Matters

Once upon a time, in a galaxy far, far away, people enjoyed an unencumbered water fight. But that was a long time ago. I keep telling myself that lately I’ve been too utterly caught up in life - academics, drama, catching up on sleep, and even leading worship - to focus on God, and I need to change that. However, the change-now approach has gotten me nowhere thus far. My life revolves...

Nov 22nd

I love the fun times we have as a team...

Sep 3rd

Worship Matters

This is me thinking while typing about worship. I started leading worship approximately a year and a half ago. The beginning was rocky to say the least, just David, Bill and myself on stage, with no experience or real idea as to what we were doing. Even further, we lacked developed performing musical talents and confidence levels. There’s a good chance we still lack, but that’s okay. God...

Aug 30th

Prayer Matters

Last night Lisa called me at about 7:45 asking me if I could go to the prayer meeting that J.Yee leads. I thought she wanted to go and didn’t want to be alone… so I was like yeah, sure, I’ll see if I can go. Turns out others were also invited though and she just had this crazy impulse to get youth together at the prayer meeting. The meeting started at 8, and we got there around...

Aug 15th

A Spill... Hopefully A Pour.

I just feel like spilling my guts out. I was just on myspace… procrastinating on APUSH essays, and I stumbled onto someone’s page that I used to go to school with. He is 2 or 3 years older than me… but from the moment I met him there was just something about him to admire. (Not in an infatuation way…) But in a way… that in church we’re told to aspire to...

Aug 3rd

I'm Ready.

I just got off the phone with Lisa… we talked about all our new crazy ideas… It started after youth camp… when I actually felt like I wanted to start serving and loving God again. I was so on fire and passionate. But it’s faded. I didn’t care at all and wasn’t going to go through with these plans… but today and last night I just really feel like these...

Aug 2nd

My Plans...

So… I’ve been extremely numb to God lately. However, last night I somehow ended up reading a few peoples’ blogs, and it kind of gave me a spark again. Today I read all my old xanga entries and it’s exalting because I had such faith in God… and also very humbling because if I was there when i was 13… I should have grown substantially in my faith since then....

Aug 2nd

Why are you downcast, O my soul?

This is pretty much a rant to myself… if you read it… sorry if it makes no sense or something of that nature. Where did the passion go? Why are we all in such a rut right now? How do people who are one moment so on fire for God land in this state of indifference to His Sovereignty? Who will rebuke the insignificance and take a stand… to win us back to God’s heart? What...

Mar 27th

On Being Failed...

I’m one of those people who puts way too much value into things, particulary people and ends up angry, sad, dissapointed, failed, misled. It’s not that i’m just naive, or maybe i am, i dont know but i find something, know its not worth it, but insist on it anyways, and then the reality comes back, i’m left sullen, broken, sometimes on the verge of tears. I find myself alone...

May 10th

Be Glorified...

I was not put here to gain self image, I was put here to grow my Father’s kingdom. I was not put here to stay at a safe distance, I was put here to snatch my Father’s children from the fire and save them. I was not put here to criticize and lie, I was put here to tell everyone that our Savior is coming. I was not put here to figure out my own way, on my own terms, I was put here...

Mar 2nd

Some thoughts...

so last night i was flipping thru the youth worship mag from january… got bored, turned off my light. i tend to turn on my Ihome @ night and listen to 105.5 cause thats the only christian station i can you know, get at my house. =) so apparently some lady called in like “that last song really spoke to me blah blah blah” im only 1/2 awake. so i snap out of my almost asleep phase...

Feb 9th

Start of the New Year

so since ive gotten back from camp, its been interesting. first couple of days i was set on “maaaaaaaaaan it was cool, but the present pain outweighs it by a million” and then within my group of closest friends… everything started falling apart too. and i found myself asking God… “why?” “why did i go to camp?” “why is the start of a new year...

Jan 3rd